Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Vanité plus tard.

Sooooo, I've been using this impending wedding to excuse a LOT of behavior I would otherwise turn my nose up at.

Now before images of a behemoth bridezilla, stuffed into a corseted gown eleventeen sizes too small, with rosy flesh boiling over the top of her dress, barking orders and using the tantrum to best communicate her distaste for the frosting pattern on the wedding cake comes to mind...let me stop you....

I have been using the wedding as an excuse...not to torment and pillage for my one day as a princess, I've used the wedding to justify behavior that isn't even related to weddings and the planning therein.

Case in point: I decided I need to get a rhinoplasty before the blessed event. Why, you ask? Because I have a teensy issue with my nose, and since the unthinkable is happening (I'm getting married) let's continue the insanity and get clipped.

Two plastic surgeons said I was crazy and I agree. But, as any good plastic surgeon knows, never ever ever let a possible client out of your office without shilling some other life-changing procedure....

And so I got a chemical peel. Do I have wrinkles? No. A birthmark? No. Freckles? A few and we've grown fond of each other. So why have my face melted off? I still don't know. Can't I just answer "I'm getting married!"?

My scab-encrusted face tells me, "No, you sweet, stupid ass. You can't use your wedding as an excuse." She's right, you know.


  1. So, are you still getting a nose job?

  2. No. My savings have since been tied up in other expenditures. A roof over your head ain't so bad, right?

  3. In choices such as these, yours is truly the only opinion that matters, but damn. You don't need someone chiseling away at your already impeccable features!

  4. Are you effing kidding me?! Wren! What are you thinking? You have a cute itty bitty gorgeous schnoz. You really don't need to torture yourself with crazy surgeries. And chemical peels just sound like they hurt.

  5. oohhh. Lauren. I would have never plopped you into the plastic surgery catagory. My heart hurts at bit at this moment.
    As if anyone could be more beautiful than you, or make you more beautiful with a sharp object and hammer.
    Who were the doctors that said no? I'd like to send them a thank you note.


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