Stem Trimming in Progress

I am in pre-spring (read: pre-shorts and pre-skirts) panic mode. My winter of indulgence, hibernation, couch contouring, and public television obsession - Rick Steve's Europe and Cook's Country Kitchen cannot be missed! - has gotten me to the lumpiest point I've ever been.

I, at first and for a very long stint, tried blaming my roomie for the muffin top. Then I blamed stress. Then I blamed George W. ...shit, I can't do that anymore!

Could it be my steady intake of holiday-themed Peeps, dried to varying degrees of gourmet crispiness? Maybe it could be my not-so-new found love of Jalapeno Cheetos with their fluorescent glow that I am drawn to not unlike a, well, me to a shoe sale ? Dinners of instant mashed Mormon Potatoes with sour cream and cheese couldn't have had any effect on my exponentially expanding ass real estate...

Well, crunch time is upon me, not because the weather promises to warm up, but my sweet Sissy insisted on ordering a bridesmaid's dress for me that is just a liiiitle too small. A non-returnable, robin's egg blue abomination that I must curse, wiggle and quite possibly Spanx my way into in a little over a month away. Eeep.